Last few weeks my oldest went through a stage of being late for school and wearing the same outfit all week. Then my middle child decides she doesn't want to go to school or pack her lunch. These things I call "IT" can be annoying, hurtful, and frustrating.
What I know is that everything is a phase as long as I don't focus too much on whatever "IT" is. I know "IT" will go away. I keep teaching and training and the kids will keep learning. In the last two weeks it was late for school because of noodling in the morning. Now "IT"is not falling asleep until 8:30pm but I know this too shall pass.
I am about to go up stairs to say good night for the 3rd time. Just another "IT" I can't wait for my kids to grow out of.
These old pictures are a reminder that they will grow into the things that are useful to the running of our household as long as I have faith in their abilities.
It was great last week because I supported my oldest when she decided to wear the same outfit 4 days in a row. (Due to technical difficulties I can't upload the images I had of her smiling face and the outfit she picked. Sorry.)
We made it on time to school more often and had great conversations while walking to class. It was awesome. This week, it is Tuesday, she has done the clothes thing herself with no noodling thus far!
All in all three weeks of being late, one week of the same outfit, three runs to the children's second hand store to find clothes that work (which was my first mistake) and now things seem to work for her and me as a result. Now I can keep focusing on supporting our relationship while moving through these obstacles that pop up.
I am sure we will go back to noodling again and being late again but for now, life is good.
Share your late stories too. Heck, teach them the consequences of being late while they are young and the stakes are low!
Here is what a "Do over" looked like in my house. The balance in our house has been somewhat blown off course for a short while since school started, I am launching a business and we are moving! It was Vicki Hoefle who inspired my "Do over" - thanks again to Parenting On Track!
Morning Routine: 2 out of the 3 were crying. Nothing was going right. Tears were in my eyes. So what did we do? a DO OVER! I picked them up and we snuggled on the couch until everyone was calm. We watch a bit of t.v. to get our minds off the thing that was wrong and BINGO. It was like a light switched in them and the smiles and giggles were back. Not kidding. Dropped one off late to school, but who cares, she was happy and our relationship was intact.
I don't have a picture of the lovely moment but believe me in that it was blissful. Try it the next time all of them are crying. Good Luck.
1. When school got out I changed my work schedule to be present with my kids even though I launched EIO Products just as the kids were getting out of school. Crazy!
2. I learned to throw out the school routine of bedtime and wake time and started the summer routines, with help from the kids
3. I learned quickly that I needed time to get used to this new routine. I could tell I was not used to the loose routine of summer as I started to yell at my kids. They brought that to family meeting and asked me to stop getting mad.
4. I learned that being present with my kids meant that I gave up the things that pulled my away from them: I stopped blogging and I stopped talking n the phone when I was playing with my kids. Those two things paid off in HUGE ways. HUGE.
5. I learned AGAIN that the family routine will get way out of control sometimes as kids grow up and try on new personalities BUT with consistent family meetings we can get that routine back to a comfortable place.
6. I learned that no matter what age kids are they really do love REAL JOBS that contribute to the success of the family. My kids age 2,4,5 contributed to the launching of the EIO Kids Cup. They packed boxes, they assembled cups, they stuck labels on and they LOVED it.
NEW Tricks:
1. Have an iPod handy and when they are all nagging or crying put it on and tune out!
2. Have jobs for your kids that are real but ask them if they would like to help.
3. Have relaxing time with a hobby, passion or friends and leave the house or put the kids to bed to do it.
Thanks again to Parenting On Track! They continue to create a community of parents who support each other, solve problems together and laugh a lot!
I think I am realizing my oldest girls are not babies anymore. I just signed Tela up for kindergarten and now this week I am posting pictures from the old days of training the kids. Corney!
Anyway, here is another view of little ones attempting to set the table and wash the table. The independence Parenting On Track has help me create is definitely paying off.
These days we have a 3rd child running around, who is 1.5, and I am trying to start a business. When I am working and they want a snack the routine is in place where the girls can get it, eat it, and clean up after it. I would not be able to work at home with three young kids without the help I have received from Vicki Hoefle! Thank you.
Here is Sadie at 2.5 learning to carry the milk to the table. Freaking out and taking the gallon of milk away from her would have squashed her excitement.
At young ages kids want to learn but they don't have any skills. She managed to drag the milk to the table and I lifted it up for her. That is where I believe the training starts. I sat at the dinner table watching the whole thing, okay so I had to get up to get a camera, but I did not interfere. Sadie is now 4 and getting her own drink comes naturally to her. I do remember having to close the fridge door a lot in the early days.
I wanted to share this to give people a sense of the time line for training that Vicki Hoefle talks about. It doesn't happen over night, in one week or one year. It happens just over time and all kids being different will need more or less help along the way.
Okay, so here is a perfect example of how smart and quick kids are.
Kathy takes her 3 kids to the kiddie pool during her recent stay in Florida. Zack, a new walker, tries to follow his sisters into the center of the pool.
Unfortunately for Zack, he has only been on his feet for a few short weeks (still wobbly), the bottom of his little shoes are slippery and the kiddie pool has a decidedly deceptive slope “down” to the center.
Zack enters the pool to follow said sisters. His feet come out from under him and SMASH. Down on his ass he goes knocking his head on the bottom of the pool.
Mom walks over to the child on his ass. She didn’t run. She didn’t scream. She didn’t grab him up. Why? Because she knows her kid. The other parents in attendance jumped up to “assist” Zack, but Kathy used non-verbal tools to get all the busy bodies to sit down and mind their own business.
She holds Zack by the hand, lifts him up, puts him on his feet at the edge of the pool and sits back down.
Zack takes a few steps towards the center of the pool and SMACK. Down he goes again.
This happens approximately 6 times. No tears. Frustration to be sure, but Kathy is quickly by his side, Quick hug, quick smooch and off he goes again.
Until suddenly, left on his own to figure this problem out, this smart, clever, creative, determined young 14 month old figures out that he has to sit on his ass and scoot towards the center of the kiddie pool.
For the next 2 weeks, remembering what he learned all on his own, Zack enjoys the pool. In fact, he practiced every time they went to the pool and inevitably, some parent would approach Kathy and comment on how clever Zack was for scooting into the pool and asked her “so how long did it take you to teach him that?” To which she promptly broke out in gut busting laughter.
I asked her why the gut busting laughter – her reply “Can you just see me sitting MY ass down in the pee filled kiddie pool and teaching my kid to scoot down to the center? No way that was gonna happen.”
Here is what she knows, what I know and what the parents of the Parenting On Track family know:
Kids are their own best teachers and when parents provide opportunities to practice, well, kids find their own perfect solutions.
Way to go Zack!
This is Sadie. She is almost 4 years old and she pays bills, takes out the trash, and likes to vacuum.
This is going to be so great when I am ready for that "Me time" that I used to have before I had kids. My goal is to train my children to enjoy or at least understand the importance of contributions to the running of our home so that we can all enjoy the "Me time" that make us tick!
I take me time when ever I can. Parenting On Track has taught me to cherish the "types" of me time that come with having three children.
There was a time when I used to have this sort of me time: golf, skiing, mountain biking, rock climbing, hiking, trail running, reading, and traveling.
This is my new me time: nap time, the hours 5:30am-6:30am, 8pm-10pm, bath time (pictured above), sunny afternoons with kiddie pool set up and when the babysitter comes. I love my new me time. Someday I will be that weekend warrior athlete I used to be!
Who asks an accountant for advice on fixing a car?
Who asks a plumber for advice on how to decorate a home?
Its absurd. Right?
When you want expert advice, you go to an expert, someone who has experience, knowledge and more than just an “opinion” to share.
Unfortunately, the same can’t be said for parenting. In fact, moms and dads alike make all kinds of parenting decisions based on:
The advice of a well meaning friend or neighbor
The "hairy eyeball" coming from the lady down the aisle in the grocery store
The blog post from a stay-at-home mom who feels compelled to “share” her own experience with kids
Most parents are tired of jumping through hoops trying the latest parenting strategies and tips especially when there doesn’t seem to be any substantial or lasting change in the child or the family dynamic.
Listen, I know, as the mother of 5, that parents are doing the best they can with the information they have. What I’m suggesting is that maybe it’s time for new information.
I know you are the best parent for your child. And I know with solid information, new information, expert information, you will begin to experience yourself at your best, which in turn, allows your children to grow into their best. And isn’t that what we all want?
So join me, for my half day workshop and I’ll SHOW you how to be your child's best expert.
Click here to register for our Williston, VT workshop!
Click here to register for our Milton, MA workshop!
Click here to learn more about my Half Day Workshop. You won't want to miss your last chance before summer arrives!
Nervous was an understatement: I was so nervous had the shakes but instead of giving it all up to chance, I dove in two days before flying with this: agreements at family meeting over what they knew about the plane, how many people were going to be on it, what type of conversation do others want to hear from small children, who gets the window seat, what should we bring....
It went on and on and turned out to be a fantastic conversation with my kids about thinking about others while traveling, coming up with solutions when you least like to, being in small spaces with lots of people, and privileges and consequences.
The flight went more smoothly then I could have imaged. There was one time when I thought my husband was going to pop and I jumped in with the 1 year old in the front pack and asked the flight attended if he would speak to my child about which seat was hers. DONE. She sat in her own seat and gave him "thumbs up" every time he walked by.
Parenting On Track teaches me to be pro-active. I started doing that as a second grade teacher and ever since then being one step ahead of the kids with agreements or getting questions and concerns out of the way before the big "thing" happens is the best nugget I have learned through the program.
Here is the other thing I think about when flying with my 4,3 and 1 year old. My friend has 4 children. The oldest is now 5. She travels to New Zealand with her kids ALONE. I pretty much keep my mouth shut when I try to image that pre-flight feeling. WAY TO GO KIWI.
Now here is the real question: Can I manage all three on the way home ALONE? I know I can, but do I want to?
When am I going to learn that training young children to take care of themselves, take care of others and take care of the house is a huge task? See that check list the girls are using for their morning routine? Well, last night we had one for bedtime and the novelty was stupendous. Learning how to make a check mark, picking the marker, all this was fabulous. Then when the middle child realized that the fun was over and it was time to follow through. We were met with resistance.
Oh don't we love the 3 year old resistance. She is so smart. She gets us to dance every time. When am I going to learn that a little checklist won't work the first time? If it does work it is only a piece of paper. My middle child is way smarter than a piece of paper. Now how to show her that she is that smart? When I figure that out I will write about it!!!!
Parenting On Track is having another free web event next week: April 8th at 8pm on Timeline for Training!!! Yes Vicki will talk about our littles!!! Gotta love'em.
While talking to another parent yesterday we were sharing "Family Meeting" stories. What resonated with me more than anything is how Family Meetings teach our children and ourselves how to appreciate people's actions because these actions help the family move forward in positive directions. Kids learn to find the best in themselves and in others. This is the foundation of the Parenting On Track Program and if you let "it" be the teacher kids will start to contribute and become caring, responsible, independent young adults.
When asking and talking to other moms and dads about, "How do I get my child to..." I realized that the program teaches us that there is only one problem: we all want to belong. When we belong we feel loved and contribute to the success of the group.
Here is a short list of things parents ask: "getting" kids to, pick up toys, clear the table, say please and thank you, share, eat at the dinner table, dress them selves, get into their car seat, eat healthy foods, and be nice to others.
Stop asking that question and start implementing the family meeting as part of a 20 minute weekly routine. Learning how is the key as we have learned with 3 kids of our own and three jobs between us and selling a house and starting a business and holding on to our lifestyle all with help from Family Meetings.
I am pleased to share with you Vicki Hoelf's bio, creator of the Parenting On Track Program. She is your host for the FREE web event this Thursday evening:
Hello, I'm Vicki. Mother of 5, Parent Educator, and Creator of the Parenting On Track™ Program
Over 20 years ago, as a new mother, I found myself making 5 Key Decisions that turned out to be the MOST important decisions I would make as a parent.
The decisions I made ended up being the difference between a life with children defined by
tantrums
fighting
disrespect
constant battles about things that don’t even matter
and having the life I’ve enjoyed day in, and day out, for over 20 years - a life with kids that’s filled with
respectful, relaxed conversation
cooperation
mutual respect
personal responsibility
and an investment by all of us - in the health and well-being of each and every member of the family.
What I came to realize after years as a Parent Educator is that EVERY parent is presented with these same 5 Parenting Decisions, though most don’t even realize these decisions exist.
And, because parents don’t know about these decisions, they often end up dealing with tantrums, fighting and daily battles with their children hoping that somehow, some way everything will work out in the end. Pretty discouraging.
Here is what I’d like to do. I’d like to share these 5 Key Parenting Decisions with you so you can begin to improve the relationship with your children and enjoy the parenting journey.
Is it a pipe-dream? No, or I would have been out of business years ago. These 5 Decisions form the foundation of the Parenting On Track™ program – a program that has improved life for tens of thousands of parents already experiencing the Parenting On Track™ Difference.
So, I invite you to join me for a FREE 60-minute Web Event.
On March 19th, Vicki will host a free 60 minute web event introducing the Parenting On Track program. Check it out and let me know, I totally trust that you will. When you let me know via Facebook or this blog, I will give you a discount on the purchase of your program.
I want to let you know that this program is not just a silly thing we do every once and a while. This is how our family runs and runs well. When I am not parenting from my best the program works. My kids are only 1, 3 and 4 and when I have a tantrum they know how to help me get out of the rabbit hole because they live the routines of the program everyday and have since they were born.
My goal is to inspire parents to get on board with Parenting On Track. Even when the last thing they want is some bubbly stay-at-home mom talking about changing their ways to include building strong relationships with their kids, partners and husbands through this program.
Stay out of your children's way, a lesson from Parenting On Track, and parents I assure you we will watch the growth of an amazing person. Stay out of their way and we get to be present in the moment when our children are learning to be capable without us. Stay out of their way, be quiet , be present and let me know how you cherished the moment within yourself.
Remember to let your child have the moment for themselves. The learning will run deeper and that is the art of encouragement as taught by Parenting On Track.
Cindy Pierce and Vicki Hoefle will presenting at Pierce's Inn
Friday, March 19th - Sunday, March 21st, 2010
Okay fellow parents I believe that Cindy Pierce's message for parents on sex and Vicki Hoefle's message on parenting will be the ultimate couples retreat. REALLY!
Parenting and sex, this is funny stuff people. I just got back from the Pierce's Inn where Cindy hosted 65 women for a night of dinner and comedy with "Finding the Doorbell". I starting listening to Cindy Pierce's stories when I was 16 years old when she was my dorm parent at Burke Mountain Academy. These stories are as hysterical and wacky as the Inn she runs! The best part is they are all true stories about her encounter with sex and her message for long term healthy sexual relationships.
Then we have the Parenting extraordinaire, Vicki Hoefle, who will be hosting workshops throughout the weekend! Now if you have not heard Vicki present her message in Parenting On Track you are missing serious learning opportunities, in my opinion, on building strong relationships with your kids (anyone really) and you are missing a very entertaining presenter who will have you laughing and crying in about twenty seconds.
It has taken our family the better part of two months to get our routine back into place. Santa has come and gone and so has the toy-crazed children that were living in my house! I was patient and did all the "re-training" that Parenting On Track encourages us to do and BINGO. I am happy to report we have found balance in our home, at least for this month! Progress feels great and I am off to celebrate with my kids by playing a little Wii Sports with them!
I would tell you that reading a parenting book would help if that work but I really, truly, believe Parenting On Track is the best parent education program on the market today!
I can't make this stuff up! While I thought I should interject my adult solution I did exactly as Vicki Hoefle says and kept my mouth shut. I was remembering back to all the times we used everyday situations to teach our kids how to solve problems. Here is a list of some of the "situations" I am taking about: getting bags of groceries from the car to the house, making dinner, shopping, dressing the baby.
As Vicki says, "Good luck, go slow, be patient and have fun." I believe she says this because you don't have to have a master's degree to slow down and notice the small teaching moments in parenting. When I take parenting less seriously I have way more fun.
Can a 3 and 4 year old follow through with agreements?
Can a 3 and 4 year old appreciate each other?
Can a 3 and 4 year old solve problems?
The answer is: yes to all those questions. This is what has happened since we have made family meetings a regular part of our lives.
The situation: 4 year old goes to pre-school three days a week. We had to cut the 3 year old to two days a week. Both of them have rebelled by not getting ready for school, whining, crying, asking to stay home, wanting to go to school with the older sibling when they can't. This has disrupted the morning routine since Santa came to town which was also the time when we cut the 3 year old from one day of school.
The 4 year old came to me and said, "Mommy it is a problem for me when Sadie gets to stay home and I have to go to school."
"Put the problem on the problem page!" I replied with a huge smile on my face and a sense of serious relief. We had an"emergency" family meeting to solve the problem and the outcome: we are going to give the new school routine two weeks while Daddy and I figure out how to solve this problem. They nodded and smiled!
Bingo that was it, 10 minutes and I was back to drinking my wine and talking with Steve about how this family meeting thing might pay off when they are teenagers!
Here is what this morning looked like after our agreements. Thank you Parenting On Track for inspiring me to continue family meetings.
I had a coaching call with Parenting On Track this week and I was concerned that my career, finances and day to day grind were spilling over into my relationship with my kids. WHY? Because I was falling into old habits more often than not.
Old habit number one: "making a mountain out of a mole hill" as my mother used to put it.
Old habit number two: yelling
During my coaching call we figured out that I have not taken enough time for myself. Duh! Just thinking about it makes me smile. Then I pulled out my "Supa Mom" cape and we all sang the Supa Mom Song. Humor and complete silliness also works to break up the moment.
In chapter 7 of the workbook, Vicki, creator of Parenting On Track discusses "The Art of Encouragement". Reviewing this chapter this week for me means I make time for me.
This was my house around September when our family's morning routine ran smoothly and for the most part everyone left the house feeling energized and ready for their day. That was then and this is now!
Since Santa came to town everything has been unpredictable! My husband and I changed our expectations and made a plan to start all over again after Santa's visit.
Now I am realizing what that actually means for my three imps. It means I have to start all over again! As I write this I am still not over the fact that there were two educated adults standing around a 4 year old, I was putting her hair up and he was pulling up her sock! Ahhhh!
What would Vicki say? Make a plan. Put it on the agenda for the next family meeting. Until then do nothing!!
Okay, I will try but I might turn "doing nothing" during tomorrow's morning into a little training session for the 3 and 4 year old.
What's happened in your house since Santa came to town?
